CORKY: Keep Congress out of college football

Guy walks in to a bar, see, and announces he’s a Congressman from Texas and he’s going to fix college football. You don’t need a punch line with a knee-slapper like that. The joke is Rep. Joe Barton.

A Texas Republican and a blowhard, if you’ll pardon the redundancy, Barton actually told a House hearing that the Bowl Championship Series is like communism.

He wants college football to adopt a playoff system and has introduced legislation — wait’ll you hear this one — that would prevent the NCAA from calling a game a national championship unless it’s at the end of his playoff.

For the past 11 years college football has used the BCS method of polls and computers to decide which two teams should be in the national championship game.

Most college presidents support the system. They’re all unwavering in opposition to a playoff of any kind.

The Harris Interactive Poll, part of the BCS system, includes former coaches. Among them are Mike Lude, Jackie Sherrill, Bill Arnsparger, Earl Bruce, Fran Curci, George Perles and Jim Walden.

Former Heisman Trophy winner Pete Dawkins from Army votes in the Harris Poll, as do a bunch of former players. Joe Smigiel, who played at Arizona from 1992-94, votes. So do Boomer Esiason, Lee Grosscup, Chad Hennings and Caig Morton, among others.

There are television analysts involved in the poll, media people and a few old newspaper columnists, including myself.

Voting in the weekly poll requires a lot of work and a lot of football-watching. I don’t know who runs the computer part of the BCS but I’m sure they work hard, too. And they’re honest.

I’m also sure the whole thing is less than perfect.

But tell me Congress isn’t.

In light of the swine flu scare, Chris Dufresne of the Los Angeles Times writes, “Let’s pray Congress knows more about pigs than pigskin.” He notes that the House hearing led by Barton was “predictably scary and comical ... Congressional credibility on college football took a hike from the opening gavel.”

Democrat Gene Green, another Texan, sat next to a football helmet from his alma mater, the University of Houston.

Rep. Bobby Rush (D-Ill.) introduced BCS coordinator John Swofford as the commissioner of the “Athletic Coast Conference.” It’s the Atlantic Coast Conference, Bozo.

Craig Thompson of the Mountain West Conference was introduced as the representative from the “West Mountain Conference.”

Barton didn’t know how many bowl games are involved in the BCS and with the brain density of lead, inquired of Big Ten Conference Commissioner Jim Delany why there are 11 teams in the Big Ten. We know how many members there are in the House of Representatives, for sure: One too many.

Barton compared the BCS to communism and said “you can’t fix it.” He quipped that the BCS should drop the “C” from its name because it doesn’t represent a true championship. “Call it the ‘BS’ system,” he said. Well, ol’ Joe is familiar enough with that.

Barton has warned that there’s a “50 percent chance” if he doesn’t see action by college football in the next two months to go to a playoff system “you will see (my) bill move.”

Great. Just what we need. Congress running college football.

Those clowns have done such a great job with the economy, health issues, immigration, education, you name it. They’ll fix college football alright.

A playoff would threaten the existence of bowl games and would render fairly meaningless the regular season and conference championships.

Football isn’t at all like basketball, which has its splendid NCAA Tournament with all the excitement of “March Madness” leading to the Final Four.

Football requires an army to be transported around the country, not the dozen or so players in basketball plus three coaches.

And face it, football is a violent sport. Players need time to recover, and for injuries to heal before the next contest.

You can’t expect college kids to play three or four football games in a week’s time.

“You could have a playoff system with 64 teams (in football) and use every bowl that’s currently out there,” Barton announced at the hearing. “You could do that.”

Not a chance, Congressman. “We’d still be playing,” said Derrick Fox, head of the Alamo Bowl.

Barton might as well ask Congress to vote on changing the boiling point of water. Football doesn’t lend itself to a national collegiate playoff. Period.

The BCS system, with its imperfections, is still the best possible solution.

Besides, get real. Barton’s congressional sideshow is for the benefit of the media and the football fans (and voters) of Texas. Most of whom are painfully aware of the fact that of the 11 BCS championship games thus far, the hated Oklahoma Sooners have played in four and the Texas Longhorns only one.

And in Texas, that’s as bad as communism.

Former Tucson Citizen columnist Corky Simpson writes a weekly commentary for the Green Valley News.