Domestic violence victim thanks volunteers

Special to the Green Valley News

“Patti was the first person who looked me in the eye and said, ‘I believe you.’”

These are the words of a 12-year survivor of domestic violence who spoke at the Big Hat Tea at Desert Diamond Casino this month. The event honored volunteers and was hosted by Patti O’Berry, founder of Hands of a Friend, DaZees and Genesis House, all of which help victims move on to safe lives.

“She is one the first victims we helped,” O’Berry told the audience of 125. “She had the courage to leave.”

One victim’s story

“Women are held to a different standard in court ... child custody is the biggest reason women stay in an abusive relationship,” said “Beth,” whose real name is not being used.

“In court, he looks like ‘Father of the Year’ ... he puts on the show of his life ... he cried in the courtroom and the judge was obviously impressed. His freedom is based on his presentations in court,” she said of her ex-husband.

Beth, who lived outside the Sahuarita-Green Valley area, called police after one violent incident during which she had been kicked to the floor. When they arrived, her abuser was so calm and she was so upset that they believed the abuser, she said. For a while, she feared she would be the one taken to jail. Since the police didn’t seem to believe her, she said she never called them again.

“The system revictimizes the victim; the system enables the abuser... unless you have the abuser caught on tape the system believes him,” Beth told the silent crowd.

“Why does he do it?” she said, “He does it because it works.”

Her children don’t know anything else. With joint custody, they don’t like what goes on but it’s normal to them, she said.

Having appeared in court many times in two years, she said, “Places like Hands of a Friend are wonderful; it gives you a place to go. I’m doing better emotionally, but I still have to drop my kids off.”

Success stories

Since opening in May 2008, Genesis House, a transitional shelter where women and children may stay for up to two years, has provided 1,800 “bed nights.”

The age range of victims is broad. Recently, the shelter protected a young mother with two children, one of them 2 months old and the other 2 years, and an 87-year-old woman.

Upon arriving at Genesis House, the 2-year-old wasn’t potty-trained and spoke well below the level of toddlers the same age.

“Within three weeks, the child felt secure enough to be potty-trained and language skills improved greatly,” O’Berry said.

Within the protective environment of Genesis House one woman completed a nurse-practitioner course and moved into her own apartment. Another completed an elder-care course.

“In the past year we have helped five women and their children flee Arizona to families out of state; we’ve also received two families from out of state.”

O’Berry said in 2007, there were 127 deaths in Arizona tied to domestic violence. It hit home when she spoke about the recent shooting death of a woman in Rancho Sahuarita whose estranged husband then turned the gun on himself with a young child in the home.

DaZees sells gently used clothing and helps support Genesis House.

“We get no federal funds and we have a great need for playground equipment, also a landscaper to do weedwacking and add a sprinkler system so there can be a vegetable garden,” O’Berry said.

Her latest investment is converting one room at Genesis House to a computer-media training center that will allow residents to take online courses to improve skills for employment.

She thanked the group of volunteers for their tremendous example of good work.

“The credit of your deeds rests with your dedication.”

Ellen Sussman is a freelance writer in Green Valley. Contact her at ellen2414@cox.net.