Annie’s Mailbox: Friends can make life tolerable

Dear Annie: When my husband retired from the military, he was offered a great job in another state.

The pay is terrific and there is a wonderful pension plan.

The problem is this city. It is unfriendly, crime-ridden and filled with alcoholics and people who dump trash everywhere.

I am also sick of the weather. It is either hot and dry or hotter and drier.

After four years and two different jobs, I have made no friends. I am a polite, easygoing person and don’t understand it.

We have been through several online meet-up groups with no luck, and we are atheists, so church is not an option.

I am now a stay-at-home mother. I find myself crying more often than not.

I sit in front of the TV every day because I have no one to talk to except my husband and children.

I find myself being overly critical of things that used to just roll off me. I need friends—women to shop with, lunch with and do all those other girl things.

My husband suggested antidepressants and I tried them for 18 months.

The only benefit was a very mellow personality and 37 extra pounds.

He told me of other wives who hated this place at first, but after 10 years of antidepressants ended up loving it. I don’t want to feel like this for 10 years.

My husband doesn’t want to move because he likes his job. Divorce is not an option. Any suggestions?

Not the Land

of Enchantment

Dear Not: No one should need drugs in order to adapt to a new home, but friends can make a place more tolerable. I

nvite some of your husband’s co-workers and their spouses for dinner. See if there are mothers in the pediatrician’s office with whom you could form a playgroup.

Start a book club. Host a holiday party for the neighbors. Volunteer for some parent programs at the school. Developing friendships takes time and effort.

If you are stuck in this city, please don’t give up trying to make connections.

Dear Annie: “Party Pooper” asked if she and her sister were obligated to give their parents a 40th wedding anniversary party when they couldn’t afford it.

Mom and Dad were miffed and booked a cruise instead.

If these people could afford to send themselves on a cruise, they could just as well have afforded to throw themselves a nice party. That’s exactly what my husband and I did.

We knew our kids were in no position to spend so much, and it was also time for a family reunion on my husband’s side.

We combined the two and had a great weekend. The party had four generations in attendance.

I hope everyone enjoyed the weekend as much as we did.

Two Years From the 50th

Dear Two Years: We’re sure they did. What a lovely way to celebrate.

Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please e-mail your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, P.O. Box 118190, Chicago, IL 60611. Copyright 2008 Creators Syndicate Inc.