Definitions and differences

Editor:

Here we are in the midst of a heated political season and an icy cold economy. I have often wondered about the definition and differences between “Republican” and “Democrat,” and the meaning of such terms; “put-call ration,” “leverage activity,” “derivative instruments” and other exotic financial lingo.

I think I have found a few answers in a newsletter sent to retired teachers who tend to think they have a few answers.

Democrat: You have two cows, your neighbor has none. You feel guilty for being successful. You push for higher taxes so the government can provide cows for everyone.

Republican: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. “So?”

Socialist: You have two cows. The government takes one and gives one to your neighbor. You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.

American Capitalism: You have two cows. You sell one, buy a bull and build a herd of cows.

Bureaucracy, American Style: You have two cows. Under the new farm program the government pays you to shoot one, mile the other, and then pours the milk down the drain.

American Corporation: You have two cows. You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the second one. You force two cows to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when one cow drops dead. You spin an announcement to the analysts stating you have downsized and are reducing expenses. Your stock goes up.

Mary A. Simmie, Sahuarita