Movie Review: Leave ‘My Best Friend’s Girl’ alone

There are two types of people who might enjoy the latest “romantic comedy” to hit big screens: Those who think Dane Cook is hot and those still tuning in to Jerry Springer. With an ill-conceived plot, atrocious acting and situations that would make Andrew Dice Clay blush, “My Best Friend’s Girl” is downright leaves-a-bad-taste-in-your-mouth dreadful.

Cook, who has cemented his position as the most annoying man in Hollywood with this role, is Tank (the name alone should be enough to discourage any feelings of romance), the relationship ringer. Fittingly, he’s a telemarketer by day, and by night, his job is to take a girl who was recently dumped out on the absolute worst date of her life so that she’ll go running back into the open arms of her ex, who’s hired the anti-cupid to torture her for an evening.

The filth-fest commences with a crude countdown from 10 — where we are made privy to the night’s events. None are worth mentioning or viewing (as with the majority of this material).

After taking his shirt off a few times to flex his only attribute, Tank is hired by his best friend and roommate, Dustin, played by the adorable Jason Biggs (who just can’t seem to buy a decent role) to terrorize his girlfriend who recently dumped him.

A plot problem of epic proportions presents itself here.

Dusty has only dated Alexis (Kate Hudson, whose performance in “Almost Famous” seems like a distant memory, a dream) for five weeks when he hires his jerky but handsome friend to take her out. So we don’t really care if Alexis goes back to him or not because there wasn’t any substantial relationship in the first place.

Alexis accepts a date with terrible Tank but when he picks her up, she has been drinking with her girlfriend and is already two sheets to the wind. Her inhibitions are therefore down, which means she won’t be offended when her date relieves himself on the decorative cactus at dinner.

She invites him in on the very first night and he declines because he cares about his friend (ahh, what an adorable little scumbag).

Dusty thinks one more date will do the trick so he sends his ex a couple hundred dollars worth of roses and a poem, signed by Tank.

Who does stuff like this?! Wouldn’t he just sign his own name and get the brownie points for the gifts? The writing severely underestimates the audiences’ intelligence.

After seat shifting for a vulgarity dripping 90 minutes (seems more like a lifetime), Tank’s final mission comes. It involves the sabotaging of a wedding.

The antithesis of “Father of the Bride” happens as the newlywed’s first dance is thrown up on, their cake destroyed and the mother of the bride defiled. If the aforementioned Steve Martin classic makes you feel warm and fuzzy, MBFG makes you want to take a shower.

Somehow, this piece of cinematic garbage comes to us from the same man who brought us “Pretty in Pink.” What happened to you in the last 20 years, Howard Deutch?

This critic would have bet money the same man could not have been at the helm of both films, but shockingly, it is true.

Maybe Deutch’s biggest faux pax was encouraging the actors to improvise extensively. On IMDB.com, it says sometimes the fallen director would run 20 takes.

Those poor people behind the camera — having to see one take of Cook doing any of these scenes was excruciating enough.

Cook and Hudson have now both starred in back-to-back stinkers. First it was “Good Luck Chuck”/“Fool’s Gold” and now this?

“My Best Friend’s Girl” spells trouble for the pair who once had very promising careers in this industry.

Now, whenever that song from the Cars is played, people everywhere who accidentally saw this movie will wince.

Adrienne Mackey is the film critic for the Green Valley News.

The Details

1/4 Stars

Comedy

Run time: 1 hours, 41 minutes.

Rated R for strong language and sexual content throughout, including graphic dialogue and some nudity.Starring: Dane Cook, Kate Hudson, Alec Baldwin, Jason Biggs.

Written by: Jordan Cahan.

Directed by: Howard Deutch.