Open Court: Here’s what won’t happen

Yes, it’s finally here. Professional football is back in our lives and all is right with the world.

From now through the start of February, there will always (repeat: always) be something to watch and discuss.

The only problem? The avalanche of “predictions” columns we slog through to prepare ourselves for opening week. Half of them are dry, another 10 percent are reduntant, another 20 percent are confusing, and the final 20 percent are dry, reduntant and confusing.

Still, I read nearly all of them, every season. Even though nobody knows anything and it’s all pointless guesswork, I just enjoy football talk.

Every year, I typically join the party and write my own list of baseless predictions. In the rare event that I get something right, I like to look back and feel smart for a brief second — until I realize I whiffed on roughly a dozen other predictions.

This year, I’m switching gears. Instead of predicting what will happen, I’m going to proclaim what won’t happen. It’s much easier to predict a negative, right?

Here’s a list of what we won’t see in the 2008 NFL season:

We won’t see a single play-by-play announcer criticize Brett Favre, even after a five-interception loss to San Diego in Week 3.

We won’t see the Arizona Cardinals in the playoffs, yet again.

We won’t see the New England Patriots blowing teams out in quite the same fashion as the start of 2007. Injuries, age and the Super Bowl hangover should keep them in check.

Unless they come up with some remarkable defensive/special teams plays, we won’t see the Atlanta Falcons or the Baltimore Ravens score more than four touchdowns in September.

We won’t hear the end of this Derek Anderson versus Brady Quinn quarterback controversy anytime soon, especially when Anderson reverts to his pre-2007 form.

Despite possessing more overall talent than nearly every team in the AFC, we won’t see the San Diego Chargers in the Super Bowl. Norv Turner plus Philip Rivers doesn’t exactly inspire a great deal of confidence.

We won’t see the Kansas City Chiefs win a game until October, at the earliest.

We won’t go the entire season without at least one Rex Grossman appearance.

We won’t see very many Aaron Rodgers jerseys at Lambeau Field for the first few weeks. However, it’s entirely possible that his jersey will be Green Bay’s hottest fashion item in November.

We won’t see “Nick the Greek” making weekly NFL picks again this season. You know how savvy gamblers cash out when they’re ahead? Well, there is absolutely no way I’m topping last year’s 155-89 mark.

nprevenas@gvnews.com | 547-9747