Annie’s Mailbox: Apologize to mother-in-law for riff

Dear Annie: I used to be very close to my in-laws and often told people if I could have placed a “special order” for in-laws, they would have fit the bill.

My father-in-law died 10 years ago. For a long time, we played golf together every week.

When he was in the hospital, my father-in-law told me he had discussed with his wife who should get his new golf clubs and they decided to give them to me.

The golf clubs were less than a year old, and I was so touched by this gesture. Every time I used them, I thought of him.

My husband and I divorced four years ago. Last summer, my wonderful clubs magically disappeared out of my house.

I found out later that my ex-husband had coerced one of our children into giving the clubs to him.

My ex refused to return them, so I sent an e-mail threatening to dispose of some of his belongings that were still in my house if he didn’t bring back the golf clubs.

My ex showed the e-mail to his 84-year-old mother. She called me and yelled, saying the clubs no longer belonged to me, that my father-in-law would never have wanted me to keep them under the circumstances, and that our relationship was at an end.

I’m going to let my ex have the golf clubs, but what should I do about my ex-mother-in-law? I miss her.

Kicked Out of the Golf Club

Dear Club: This isn’t about the golf clubs. It’s about the divorce. Your ex-mother-in-law has naturally taken her son’s side, and he is rather vindictive.

You may not be able to regain the relationship you once had, but you can make this better.

Call or write your ex-mother-in-law, and tell her you are so sorry there’s been a rift and you miss her. Don’t mention the golf clubs.

Ask what you can do to repair the breach for the sake of the grandchildren.

Dear Annie: I like my friend “Lexie” a lot except for one quirk.

Any time she wants to tell me something, she has her mom drive her to my house in order to say what she could easily have said over the phone. She does this with all her friends, but for me, she comes at the worst times and doesn’t seem to care.

I’ve tried telling her to call instead, but she won’t. How can I ask her politely to come back later without ending our friendship?

Annoyed in Elkhart, Ind.

Dear Elkhart: Maybe her mom doesn’t let her use the phone or, more likely, Lexie just wants company.

You can simply tell her, “Lexie, when you drop by without calling, it’s really inconvenient. I’d much rather know in advance so I can set aside time for you.” If that doesn’t work, be unavailable as nicely as possible.

When she comes to the door, stop her right there and say, “I wish I could visit now, but I have to finish my homework” or “eat dinner” or “run an errand”—whatever excuse means she can’t stay.

Then say you’re really sorry, you’ll see her in school, and close the door.

Annie’s Snippet for Grandparents Day (credit Sam Levenson): The simplest toy, one that even the youngest child can operate, is called a grandparent.

Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please e-mail your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, P.O. Box 118190, Chicago, IL 60611. Copyright 2008 Crteators Syndicate Inc.