Annie’s Mailbox: Let drinking friend know you’re concerned

Dear Annie: I am concerned about my dear friend, “Laura.”

She has always been a drinker, but recently her drinking has increased to an alarming level.

When Laura is sober, she is a vivacious, outgoing, fun-loving, beautiful person.

However, when she drinks, she can no longer carry on an intelligent conversation.

She behaves outrageously and it is embarrassing to be in public with her.

Seeing a drunk, out-of-control woman is, frankly, pathetic. I don’t know if she is unable to recognize the stares of disgust or just doesn’t care.

Laura has a husband and grown children. It seems wrong to stand by while she slips further away, but I know from experience that she will be angry and defensive if I confront her about her drinking.

If a person has a supportive family, shouldn’t it be their responsibility to deal with this?

I truly can’t stand to be around her while she’s making a fool of herself, ruining her reputation and risking her health.

What is the responsibility of friends in a situation such as this? Saying nothing feels wrong, but I know confrontation will end badly.

Her Sober Friend

Dear Sober: A friend cares enough to speak up. Don’t be angry or accusatory with Laura.

Instead, approach her when she is sober, and do so with love and concern.

Say you’ve noticed she is drinking more than she used to.

Tell her she is a smart and vivacious friend, but when she drinks, she loses the qualities that make her so wonderful.

She may deny that she drinks too much, but at least she will know she isn’t fooling you, which may convince her to seek help. Contact Al-Anon (al-anon.alateen.org) at 1-888-4-AL-ANON (1-888-425-2666) for information and suggestions.

Dear Annie: Our darling son died one year ago from cancer. He was 32.

We were all devastated by the loss and are still dealing with raw grief.

Most of our friends have been terrific, but in the last year, we have had to deal with distant friends who are constantly trying to convert us to their religious faith. They aren’t expressing sympathy.

Once they realize we aren’t interested, we never hear from them again.

It’s as if they prey on our vulnerability, thinking it’s the best time to inflict their “righteousness” upon us.

People have laid hands on me, quoted the Bible and given me pamphlets designed to draw me away from my faith.

We welcome prayers, but much of this is cruel, insulting and arrogant.

We miss our son terribly, but find comfort in remembering him.

It is completely inappropriate to pressure a grieving person to abandon their faith.

Still Grieving

Dear Still Grieving: These people believe they are saving you, and yes, they look for your most susceptible moment, hoping you will be receptive to seeking consolation through their religious guidance.

It’s shameful. Our condolences on your terrible loss.

Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please e-mail your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, P.O. Box 118190, Chicago, IL 60611. Copyright 2008 Creators Syndicate Inc.