Talk of the Town: No streaking at the Olympics...and other rules to follow!

Warning, loyal readers! Do not attempt to camp outdoors in order to save money at the Olympics. It is banned to “maintain public hygiene and the cultured image of cities.”

Do not let the Chinese sizzling summer heat tempt you to disrobe and streak. Do not get tipsy in public, ignite fireworks or wave “insulting banners.”

Anyone who is mentally challenged or has sexually transmitted diseases is banned. Smoking is not allowed at Olympic venues.

The rules on the organizers’ official Web site have laid down the law, according to Reuters.

“Foreigners must respect Chinese laws while in China and must not harm China’s national security or damage social order.”

The security-obsessed authorities are taking no chances with the 500,000 tourists set to hit Beijing for the Games.

A slew of surface-to-air missile launchers are being deployed around the showpiece sites. (Comforting, huh?)

Lighters have been banned on domestic flights. Commuters are being asked to gulp from water bottles before boarding the subway to ensure they do not contain suspicious substances.

All public swimming pools in Shanghai will check shampoos and body wash.

Authorities have promised “civilized and convenient” security checks but have been accused of obsessive stage management, including visa restrictions which have been tightened for visitors. Beijing is also ridding the streets of petitioners, homeless and migrant workers.

Beijing retaurants have learned a valuable lesson from the 1988 Seoul Olympics. Dog meat is off the menu in the Chinese capital during the Olympics, so there will be no “hot dogs” for sale that aren’t authentic weiners.

Exotic names and alarming translations abound in Chinese restaurants which are being given a linguistic makeover, though only in select restaurants.

Out goes the traditionally named “husband and wife’s lung slice” appetizer which is being replaced by the more linguistically correct “beef and ox tripe in chili sauce.”

Hmmm? Reuters reports that there was no mention of the many popular establishments that have donkey on the menu.

The authorities have also worked hard to eliminate “Chinglish” from road signs and menus in the run-up to the Olympics, even if efforts have been a little hit and miss.

Gone is the infamous “Racist Park” signpost for the Ethnic Minorities Park.

Yet however much they are obsessed by security and a burning desire to portray the squeaky clean image of a well ordered society, the Chinese insist the welcome will be warm.

Chinese Foreign Ministry spokeswoman Jiang Yu said: “China is a safe place. Please be assured. China is a nation with great hospitality and courtesy.”

During the month of June, the members of the Country Club of Green Valley collected money and morale, welfare and recreation articles for Arizonans serving in harm’s way in Afghanistan, Iraq and Kuwait. These were passed to the “Support our Troops” Committee at Atria Bell Court Gardens in Tucson for distribution. The first four solidly packed standard postal service boxes of personal size items including: baby oil, baby powder, body wash, contact lens cleaner, dental floss, women’s deodorant, ear drops, eye drops, hand sanitizer, lens cloths, mouthwash, nasal spray, petroleum jelly, Q-tips, shampoo/conditioner, shave cream, shower gel, soap, sunscreen, toothbrushes, and toothpaste were sent June 24 to Capt. Vincent Garcia, chaplain of the 40th Expeditionary Signal Battalion from Fort Huachuca serving in Iraq. He was writing for all the members of his unit; 200 men and 20 women.

Subsequent recipients of the largess of the country club’s members have been; Lance Cpl. Felicia Gero (USMC, Iraq), Senior Airman Jennifer Mallari (USAF, Iraq), Cpl. Jaime E. Martinez (USMC, Iraq), Staff Sgt. Brian Whisenant (U.S. Army, Afghanistan), and Sergeant Frederick Woods (U.S. Army, Kuwait), who were writing for units containing a total of sixty men and seventeen women.

The majority of the country club’s donations will have been sent by July 24. The “Support Our Troops” Committee will hold the cold weather items (hand warmers, hot chocolate, and soups) until the season is appropriate — November in Afghanistan, December in Iraq, and January in Kuwait.

When the distribution of the items is completed, the donations from the members of the Country Club of Green Valley will have touched some 500 Arizonans serving in the forces that defend our country and its way of life.

The Allan Riding Jazztet plus vocalist Julie Anne will be in concert at 7 p.m., Tuesday, Aug. 12, at the West Center. The concert featuring the music of the legendary Cole Porter is open to the public.

Tickets are $12 for Green Valley Recreation members; $14 for guest and $16 for the general public.

The Jazztet comprises popular musicians Dave Jeffrey (drums and vibes), Allan Riding (piano) Aaron Szabo (percussion), Jesse Tovar (tenor sax, flute and clarinet) and Lanny Webb, (bass).

Vocalist Julie Anne is a popular performer in the Tucson area. She has her own personal style that sets her aside from all others. Influenced by the most distinguished jazz vocalists such as Ella Fitzgerald, Sarah Vaughn, Julie London and Peggy Lee, Julie Anne pays tribute to them by keeping these classic jazz standards alive.

You may have seen her at many Tucson Jazz Society events such as the Diva’s of Jazz or Tribute to Women in Jazz concerts, “Tucson Swings!” dances and concerts, the piano bar at McMahon’s Steak House, Ventana Canyon, Kingfisher, Blue Fin, Westward Look, The Gaslight Theatre, Starr Pass Resort, Saddlebrooke, Old Pueblo Grill or any number of other events, conventions or weddings.

She performs with just a piano or guitar, a trio, quartet or a full Big Band.

The musical focus of Allan Riding Jazztet is straight ahead jazz from the 1940s through 1960s, playing mainly well known standards with a sprinkling of jazz originals. The group’s library is varied and includes ballads, swing and Latin numbers, as well as dixieland arrangements.

The Green Valley Military Officers Association is sponsoring a charity golf event, “Scramble for Scholarships,” Sunday, Sept. 21, at the golf course at the Tubac Resort and Spa.

This will be the first of an annual charity golf tournament to support the Green Valley MOAA’s newly incorporated Scholarship and Military Assistance Fund. This fund will award scholarships to graduating JrROTC seniors at the Sahuarita and Nogales high schools who will be continuing on with their education in the ROTC program. The Military Assistance Fund will help provide support to military service members, families and veterans who are in need.

The tournament is open to the public. It will be a modified scramble, team format with prizes for first, second and third place as well as longest drive, closest to the line and closest to the pin for both men and women players. Other prizes will be offered as well for a variety of events.

The event is a 8 a.m. shotgun start with sign-up from 6:30 a.m. to 7:30 a.m.

The cost is $75 per player or $280 for a team of four players.This fee includes golf with cart, range balls, lunch, tax and gratuity.

Don’t worry if you don’t have a foursome, the organizers will make up teams of four to play.

Registration deadline is Aug. 23. If you are interested in obtaining a registration form, or more information about the event please contact Steven Abel, president of the Green Valley MOAA, at stevenabel8@msn.com or 648-2172 or Hereb Pahoresky, 203-8692 or hemapahaz@cox.net.

MOAA is the nation’s largest association of military officers. It is an independent, nonprofit, politically nonpartisan organization.

With about 370,000 members from every branch of service, including active duty, National Guard, Reserve, retired, former officers, and their families, members represent the interests of military officers at every stage of their careers.

MOAA focuses on compensation and benefit matters for all members of the military community.

rford@gvnews.com | 547-9740