‘The Mummy’ should have stayed in his tomb

Cooling down the hottest summer movie season in recent history is a tough task, but some movie had to do it.

There have been remarkable remakes, spectacular sequels and super spinoffs aplenty to delight the likes of all ages.

And then we get “The Mummy: Curse of the Dragon Emperor.”

With a lame plot, and no Rachel Weisz, this new ‘Mummy’ makes Jack a dull boy.

After conquering the same mummy two times, Rick (Brenden Fraser) and Evelyn O’Connell (Maria Bello (stepping in for Weisz) should have stuck to Indy films) have settled into retirement.

From the tone of their dinner convo and the not so subtle ticking clock on the wall it seems the once dynamic duo is bored out of their skulls and more than ready for some archeological action. They soon get their chance to jump-start the psyche when they are asked to return a rare artifact deemed “the eye” to China.

It’s Chinese New Year in Shanghai, 1947 (Indiana Jones is, of course, the inspiration for this trilogy — these scenes are circa “Temple of Doom”) and Rick and Eve think all they have to do is deliver the artifact then they can relax, but we know better than that.

Instead “the eye” is stolen and turned over to Emperor Han (Jet Li’s always highly watchable) — the first Emperor of Qin — who, along with his entire army, has been cursed by a sorcerer and in turn been frozen in time for 2000 years.

This creates quite the conundrum because once the emperor possesses the idol, he only has two things to do before he can gain immortality and a plethora of potent powers — including the ability to shape shift into a three-headed dragon (guess this flick’s not all bad).

Throwing a monkey wrench into the scheme of things in more ways than one, is the character of Alex O’Connell — played horribly by relative newcomer Luke Ford. Alex is Rick and Eve’s son and was supposed to be enrolled in college but has instead been trying to follow in the footsteps of his legendary father by hunting mummies down. He complicates things by being the one to discover the emperor’s tomb, setting the scene for the evil one’s comeback.

This is where director Rob Cohen (“Stealth,” “Dragonheart”) earns his greatest demerit points — Ford is in his mid-20s and Fraser and Bello are 39 and 41 respectively. Let’s put it this way. While fighting the awakened Mummy and Co. alongside Mom and Dad, Alex looks more like he could be Rick’s brother or Eve’s lover rather than their son. This casting/plot combo is a complete mess and distracts from the storyline altogether.

The CGI and action can be awesome, but “holy smokes!” moments are few and far between. We want more of the Emperor’s terracotta army with their clay faces frozen in angst riding atop their potted, demon-eyed steeds. And much more of the tri-headed, fire-breathing beast! The addition of Li and martial arts is enjoyable, too, but sparse as well.

One of the online bloggers posed the topic, “The Mummy to knock “The Dark Knight” off its throne?” This cinematic bookie puts the odds of that happening at a million to one.

Like Mulder and Scully — the wrapped villain and O’Connells should have stayed retired because their comeback only toyed with and tainted greatness.

Adrienne Mackey is a freelance movie reviewer. Hear her talk a lot

more about movies on “The KLPX WakeUp Call with Scott Barnett”

weekday mornings from 5 to 10 a.m. on 96.1 KLPX.

Movie Review

2/4 Stars

Action/Adventure/Fantasy/Thriller

Run time: 112 minutes.

Rated PG-13 for adventure action and violence.

Starring: Brendan Fraser, Jet Li, Maria Bello, John Hannah, Michelle Yeoh, Luke Ford

Written by: Alfred Gough and Miles Millar.

Directed by: Rob Cohen