Annie’s Mailbox: Needs help combatting bulemia

Dear Annie: I have been bulimic for over four years and it is making me miserable. I hate myself every time I give in to it. I am constantly tired and every day is a struggle. I think I may be depressed. I’ve considered suicide, though I don’t have a specific plan and am not sure how serious I am about it. I just finished my sophomore year of college with straight A’s. My family knows I’m bulimic and they have rejected me for it.

Even my most supportive friend thinks I just need to “cheer up.” I have no insurance. I don’t want to go to on-campus counseling because it is extremely short-term and likely wouldn’t benefit me.

I don’t want to contact some huge organization. I don’t know what to do. Life scares me. I am tired of being miserable and regulating my emotions with food. I hate myself and feel like a failure. Please help.

Losing It in Lafayette, Ind.

Dear Indiana: The fact that you know your bulimia is an effort to “regulate your emotions with food” indicates you are on the right track, but you must be willing to get help, no matter what form it comes in.

On-campus counseling is more beneficial than you realize, and even short-term assistance can help. You also can receive low-cost counseling through your church, United Way, the YMCA, local hospitals, your university psychology departments and graduate school counseling departments.

Other organizations include the National Eating Disorders Association (nationaleatingdisorders.org) at 1-800-931-2237 and the National Association of Anorexia Nervosa and Associated Eating Disorders (anad.org) at Box 7, Highland Park, IL 60035. You deserve to get better. Please give it your best shot.

Dear Annie: My daughter allows her 8-year-old son to stay up late at night, watch adult TV, drink two cans of soda a day and eat lots of sweets. She strongly resents any suggestion that this is not a good thing.

The 15-year-old son spends a vast amount of time text messaging, listening to music on his iPod or watching TV. His conversational skills are poor and his grades are not good. On several occasions, money has disappeared from purses when the boys were present, and I am terrified to think what the money is purchasing.

If I try to talk to my daughter, I risk being excluded from her life. But if things don’t improve, her family will fall apart. What can I do?

Troubled Grandma

Dear Grandma: Your daughter’s parenting skills could use some improvement, and yes, it’s possible those kids will grow up to be overweight, undereducated small-time crooks, but she needs to see it for herself.

Your daughter knows you disapprove of the way she is raising her children, and that could be part of the problem.

Frankly, watching inappropriate TV, listening to an iPod, text messaging, drinking soda and eating sweets is not uncommon behavior, and we wouldn’t go overboard with disapproval. Stealing from purses and poor grades are of greater concern.

Stop criticizing your daughter, and when the grandchildren are in your house, set reasonable rules and enforce them, and keep your money hidden. Modeling good parenting is the best you can do.

Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please e-mail your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, P.O. Box 118190, Chicago, IL 60611. Copyright 2008 Creators Syndicate Inc.