Campaign aims to start adult child-parent talks

A new awareness campaign called the “40-70 Rule” focuses on helping adult children initiate important conversations with their aging parents—and an important first step is moving from a parent-child role to a peer role.

“A Guide to Conversation Starters for Boomers and Their Senior Loved Ones” by Home Instead Senior Care includes seven tips to help boomers communicate with their aging parents and several conversation starters for sensitive subjects.

The campaign is based on research conducted in the U.S. and Canada; it revealed that nearly one-third of adults in the U.S. have a major communication obstacle with their parents resulting from the parent-child role. It’s difficult to get important conversations started because the child is still seen as a child rather than as an adult peer.

Scott Ehrsam, owner of the Tucson-based Home Instead franchise says, “Because of this obstacle adult children may wait until an emergency or crisis happens before talking to parents.”

Community Relations Manager Susan Howard says an important first step is to break out of the parent-child role. She cited adult children who call their mother every day to report in and those who still borrow money from their parents versus being independent as perpetuating the parent-child relationship.

“When an adult child is 40 and parents are 70 the relationship should be peers,” Howard said.

Home Instead Senior Care provides non-medical homecare that include a wide range of companionship and home helper services. From helping to organize mail to checking food expiration dates, watering plants and arranging medical appointments caregivers can take out the trash, change linens, escort clients to appointments, plays and concerts and a host of daily life and housekeeping tasks.

Erhrsam and Howard agree that the single hardest change for seniors to adapt to is “giving up the keys.” Whether it’s giving up keys to the car, golf car or home relinquishing independence is difficult.

One area where they’re willing to accept help is at home with housework and things like changing linens, Ehrsam said.

Asked what Home Instead Senior Care does, he said, “We do a lot of what friends and family would do. We provide conversation, companionship, housework and can escort clients to doctor’s appointments as part of other services.”

Because most seniors in Green Valley don’t have close family nearby, there’s a great sense of responsibility among neighbors. Often a neighbor will be the one to tell an out-of-state adult child about changes in their parent’s lives, Howard said.

Hiring honest and caring caregivers is of utmost importance and Ehrsam said there’s an internal background check and drug testing and all caregivers are bonded and insured. References are checked so clients can feel secure, Howard said.

Of special importance is pairing the right employee with the client. “A client may want someone who likes to go to the pool and play Scrabble… it’s important to make a good match; the chemistry needs to be right,” Ehrsam said.

Ehrsam and Howard’s main message is that for conversations that haven’t yet taken place adult children need to get them started because the parent-child conversation can be so important in helping aging parents adapt to changing life circumstances.

“Good communication is vital to helping families know when it’s time to seek additional resources. Often times both adult children and their loved ones can benefit from outside help such as a professional caregiver.

“But the only way that will happen is if they can talk about it,” Ehrsam said.

For further information: 520-770-9943 and 4070talk.com.

Ellen Sussman is a freelance writer in Green Valley. Contact her at ellen2414@cox.net.