Movie Review: ‘What Happens in Vegas’ makes you feel ‘Punk’d’

One of Ashton Kutcher’s claims to fame was a show that aired on MTV. Kutcher would set up his celebrity acquaintances in candid-camera type situations, then jump out from behind a bush and let them know that they had been “Punk’d.” It was funny on occasion, but many celebs didn’t like being duped.

With its flagrant predictability and stale punch lines, “What Happens in Vegas” is the ultimate prank with an excruciating running time of 90 minutes. Kutcher should attend every screening and jump out from behind the red curtains, then maybe this would be worth your hard-earned moola.

Jack Fuller (Kutcher) has just been fired from his closet-making job by his father. Joy McNally (Diaz) was just nastily dumped by her fianc/ in front of a surprise party that she was throwing for him. Both need to get away from it all. And where does Hollywood always think a romcom will work no matter what? Vegas, baby!

Jack, Joy and their respective best friends are accidentally booked into the same hotel room. An epic, slapstickish brawl ensues that ends with both ladies mounted on the men. Voil‡, the sexual chemistry (or lack there of) begins. Only minutes into the film and the laugh expectation is lowered, d’oh!

After a night out on the strip that had Jack and Joy consuming their body weight in booze, they get hitched. The shots of them hanging out of the limo, going from casino to casino are so fast and furiously bad they leave the viewer feeling hung over and remorseful right alongside the bride and groom.

You know what happens next from the trailer. They are arguing about who first had the idea to break up with whom when they hit a $3 million jackpot.

The ill-fated duo go to see Judge Whopper (Dennis Miller had to know this was a stinker) who sentences them to “6 months of hard marriage.” They are forced to move into together and instantly launch assaults on each other in hopes of getting one to break the rules, and therefore forfeit the cash.

Art imitating life

These two are mismatched on so many levels. Even though Diaz is only 6 years older than Kutcher, she looks much older (art imitating life here). Their give and takes are downright dumb, and when arguing, they have more of that brother/sister vibe. On the big screen love-o-meter they register somewhere below Cook and Alba.

What’s worse (there’s worse you say?) are the smarmy pals constantly doling out advice to the doomed couple after every staged-looking argument. It’s like Jack and Joy are doing a really bad take on “War of the Roses” and their compatriots are emulating and simultaneously tainting “When Harry Met Sally” (Bruno Kirby and Carrie Fisher were fantastic in that film).

Bet you can predict the ending.

“What Happens in Vegas” gives off more of a sitcom feel than romcom; a half hour’s worth of this polished nonsense might be bearable. The poster for this one boats, “Get Lucky,” though you’ll feel far from fortuitous afterward.

Adrienne Mackey, a former Green Valley News staff writer, is a freelance movie reviewer. Hear her talk a lot more about movies on “The KLPX WakeUp Call with Scott Barnett” weekday mornings 5 a.m.-10 a.m. on 96.1 KLPX.

Movie Review

1.5/4 Stars

Comedy/Romance

Run time: 99 minutes.

Rated PG-13 for some sexual and crude content, and language,including a drug reference.

Starring: Cameron Diaz, Ashton Kutcher, Rob Corddry, Lake Bell, Treat Williams, Dennis Farina, Zach Galifianakis, Queen Latifah.

Written by: Dana Fox.

Directed by: Tom Vaughn.