‘Prom Night’ more bore than gore

Some say it can be done. A good horror movie can be made under the PG/PG-13 rating. Only if it’s the ’80s, and it’s Stephen Spielberg’s “Poltergeist.”

Flash forward 25 plus years to the gore revolution. Blood-soaked films like “Saw” and “Hostel” are what garner the screams now.

“Prom Night” is more like blood and bore than blood and gore. By the way, you won’t be able to hear it anyway because 13 to 15-year-olds will be your fellow patrons.

“Prom Night,” related to the 1980 Paul Lynch directed film in name only, is so boring and predictable that it can’t even keep the teens who shelled out their babysitting money quiet for more than 10 seconds. Get ready to claw your ears out.

Donna (Brittany Snow is no Jamie Lee Curtis) has survived watching her mother being murdered right in front of her, while she hid under the bed, to somehow become a relatively normal (?!?) senior at Bridgeport High. It has been three years since her one-time teacher developed a crush on her, stalked her then launched the brutal attack on her family. Donna, her girlfriends and their dates jump in a limo and hit the town on the way to the best night of their lives. Little do they know what lurks around the corner (a really scary villain who played in “That Thing You Do!”).

Somehow the killer escapes from the mental ward he was sentenced to and it takes the cops three days to notify Donna’s guardians. The cops in this one are so glib it would be humorous if the plot weren’t already so annoying by this point. “The detective told us we have no reason to believe he’s coming this way,” Donna’s uncle says. No, no reason at all. Pour on the dumb—these guys couldn’t protect a cat. Note to them: When securing a house, make sure to do it in pairs and cover both the front and back door.

Every “scare” is telegraphed. The story line is so blatantly obvious it’s as if director Nelson McCormick (who has done all TV up until this point, and he definitely hasn’t earned his silver screen wings with this debut) and the writers knew the young masses would come out in droves to see this one based purely on the trailer. How insulting. At least give us a popcorn-flick caliber effort!

And, sigh, the bad guy. He can’t be the charming, quarterback-looking type (unless it’s some bizarre high school football slasher flick, hmmm…light bulb). In “Prom Night,” he’s Johnathan Schaech, a blue-eyed stud who most women would rather swoon for than run from. He never meets the menace mark and all of his killings are either inferred or just plain lame.

There is also no character development. Donna is like an Olsen twin and all of her friends are spoiled, one-dimensional caricatures of student types.

They go up to the hotel room, where the killer lurks, time after time — Donna even returns when a blaring fire alarm is sounding telling everyone to evacuate. But, she needed her scarf. And she’s supposed to be our final girl?

The final girl in the horror genre is the one we all root for. The smart one who will make it to the end alive due to her outrageous tenacity and wit. See: Neve Campbell in “Scream.”

There’s no crowning of a prom king or queen. No tiara. No bucket of blood. “Prom Night” should’ve been an easy title to live up to. Instead it’s just another by-product of the Hollywood machine, a movie that goes as deep as its poster.

Adrienne Mackey is a freelance movie reviewer. Hear her talk a lot more about movies on “The KLPX WakeUp Call with Scott Barnett” weekday mornings from 5 to 10 a.m. on 96.1 KLPX.

Movie Review

1.5/4 Stars

Horror/Mystery/Thriller

Run time: 1 hour, 28 minutes.

Rated PG-13 for violence and terror, some sexual material, underage drinking, and language.

Starring: Brittany Snow, Scott Porter, Jessica Stroup, Dana Davis.

Written by: J.S. Cardone.

Directed by: Nelson McCormick.