Talk of the Town: Easter fun for all!

Have a most blessed Easter Day! Here are a few holiday jokes to get you on your way:

Question: What do you call rabbits that marched in a long sweltering Arizona Easter parade? Answer: Hot, cross bunnies.

Q: What do you call Easter when you are hopping around? A: Hoppy Easter!

Q: What do you call a duck that just doesn’t fit in? A: Mallardjusted.

Q: What do you get when you cross a chicken and the Easter Bunny? A: A finger-lickin’ good Easter Bunny.

Q: What do you call a duck who plays basketball? A: A slam duck.

Q: Why was the rabbit rubbing his head? A: Because he had a eggache! (headache)

Q: How do bunnies stay healthy? A: Eggercise

Q: What does a rooster say to a hen he likes? A: You’re one hot chick!

Hmm? If you’re playing the lotto with the hopes of winning money to pay for the ever-increasing price of gas, you just may want to know that the chances of winning the mega-jackpot are slim.

According to www.megamillions.com, the chances of winning the jackpot are 1 in 175,711,536. You stand a greater chance of being being struck by lightning: 576,000 to 1; of becoming president: 10,000,000 to 1; spotting a UFO today: 3,000,000 to 1; or dating a super model: 88,000 to 1, according to “Life: The Odds,” by Gregory Baer.

Let’s face it. If you play the lottery, you’d better still keep your day job. No matter how hard it is to win, lotteries have been popular for a long, long time — even as long as math, according to Mental Floss Magazine.

A form of lottery called keno in the United States traces back to Chinese immigrants who helped build America’s historically treasured Old West railroad. This ancient Chinese game was apparently invented by Cheung Leung around 200 B.C. as a way to raise money for a war fund. The game was so successful that it apparently was also used to fund the building of the Great Wall.

Augustus Caesar authorized a lotto to raise money for public works projects in Rome and in 1466, an ancient Belgian town held a lottery to help the poor, a concept supposedly carried on with lottery monies today.

Even our American founding fathers often used lotteries to raise some greenbacks. John Hancock organized several lotteries, including one to rebuild Boston’s Faneuil Hall.

It was reported that Ben Franklin used them during the Revolutionary War to buy a canon for the Continental Army and George Washington ran a lottery to pay for a road into the woods of western Virgina. Even Thomas Jefferson tried to convince the Virginia legislature to let him hold a lottery to pay off his debts.

Lotteries in the U.S. were banned in most states by the Civil War because of so much fraud. The continuing lotteries in Louisiana were the exception.

The Louisiana State Lottery Co. was a private corporation that in the mid-19th century ran the Louisiana lottery. It was for a time the only legal lottery in the United States, and for much of that time had a very foul reputation as a swindle of the state and citizens and a repository of corruption.

The company sold tickets all over the country and for nearly 25 years raked in millions while paying out small prizes and donating meager payouts to a few New Orleans charities.

While the lottery was always opposed on vice and morality grounds, the renewal of the charter and constitutional amendment began the serious, organized opposition that would kill the company. The Anti-Lottery League and its newspaper, the “New Delta” were the main proponents of ending the drawings.

In 1890, the U.S. Congress banned the interstate transportation of lottery tickets and lottery advertisements, which composed 90 percent of the company’s revenue. The U.S. Supreme Court upheld this statute in 1892.

In March of that year, the constitutional amendment to renew the charter (which had passed the legislature, but needed voter approval) was defeated.

There are big lotto losers as well as winners.

Ever hear of Clarence Jackson? This poor guy won the Connecticut Lottery in 1995. For one reason or another, he didn’t find out that he won until 15 minutes before the one-year deadline to claim the prize. To cut the long story short, he didn’t get to claim the prize in time for him to get $5.8 million. Until now he is still attempting to have the courts award him the prize. It’s probably that much in legal fees by now!

Then there’s Andrew Jackson “Jack” Whittaker, a West Virginian millionaire businessman who became famous when he won $315 million in the Powerball multi-state lottery. At the time it was the largest jackpot ever won by a single winning ticket in the history of American lottery.

Whittaker purchased the winning Powerball ticket at a supermarket in Hurricane, W.Va., where he had stopped for a deli breakfast sandwich and to get fuel for his Lincoln Navigator.

Whittaker chose the cash option and received a check for approximately $114 million after tax withholdings.

The pressures of his new wealth caused numerous problems. Whittaker has been arrested several times and has had numerous well-publicized domestic problems.

Whittaker also had a “near-miss” $10,000 Powerball win, missing one of the five regular numbers, although he did match the red Powerball number.

Still, since winning he’s been arrested for DUI, and is also being sued by Caesars Atlantic City casino for bouncing $1.5 million worth of checks to cover gambling losses. Yikes!

Anyone who’s ever been a member of a church choir knows how difficult it is to keep a secret. Well, members of Green Valley Community Church’s choir pulled it off recently when they lured choir director Sherrill Blodget into the church’s social hall for a surprise baby shower. Sherrill’s husband, Charles Madsen, walked into the hall with her after a choir practice to find the room filled with well-wishers and choir members and tables laden with gifts.

Sherrill, who is studying for a doctorate at the University of Arizona, gave birth to a son, Christopher Chandler Blodget Madsen on March 13 at approximately 5 p.m. at Tucson Medical Center.

The proud parents reported that their baby weighed seven pounds and 10 ounces and was 19-3/4 inches long.

rford@gvnews.com | 547-9740