BAJA softball league enters home stretch

Ah, the sound of bat hitting ball, arcing in its lazy flight to the outfield, a certain out.

There he stood, like some statue, maybe Napoleon or a mannequin in a ball cap, gloved arm extended to block the sun. “I got it!” he yelled to the sky.

Yup, had to happen, a lot of players said. How ironic that the chief complainant would be the one to catch the horsehide in the chops on the Sun Field. That flaming orb gets between your eyeballs and a softball �“ soft? �“ guess who drops. The ball and body.

The right centerfielder for Hickey Auto was willing to testify all about it �“ can I get a witness? Yes!

The umpire swears he heard a “thushy” sound just before said “fielder” dragged his battered and bloodied mug into the dugout, nearly decapitated.

But hey, one monkey don’t stop no show. So he got cleaned and bandaged, iced down, straightened his teeth, stopped the gusher, and bounced back onto the field of play.

Someone suggested he bring his glove, which, unlike a face, is designed to catch a ball.

Folks, this guy did not graduate magna cum laude, not even from Atilla the Hun Military Academy.

Facts are unbearably clear: here is the front-runner for this year’s Darwin Awards. It’s well known that he was always a half-bubble off level, one blade short of a knife. How bad will it get?

Hope you made the Tombstone scene between Mark’s Quality Water and Hickey Automotive. They entered the contest tied for first place, all alone, at 22-6.

The rest of the league is so far behind, they have packed up for Hawaii.

Applause for the managers, pitcher Chuck Catino and shortstop Nomar Brooks, for their player selection and placement. Plus psychological skills in herding a band of geezers who could get along.

Monday

Game 1. Who holds Mark’s Mashers to five runs? No team in BAJA �“ but wait. Chuckles delivered the strikes and his mates delivered the outs.

Bill “Cheetah” Cheney whirled around the outfield like a dust devil; nothing got past him as he fought off the deadly rays and shot down base runners trying to run on his arm. What a show. Backed by Glenn Yauney’s sharpshooter bat, they triumphed over the water boys and the Caesar’s early morning line by 11-5.

The Blue Boys, ever gallant competitors, slammed off 37 hits, paced by Nomar’s 6-8 and Tom Kennedy, 5-7, with a triple and HR; Stan Musial went 5-7.

In Game 2, they vaulted from the dugout but went el blanco in the last four innings. At the last pitch and catch, fans drained with emotion, the Hicksters slapped hands with a 14-11 victory, nailing down first place with a 26-6 record.

Triple Play stepped into Two Girls Pizzeria parlor and had ‘em outserved until “Snappy” Tom Liedtke strolled up in the last inning to hit a gapper with the bags full of pizza pushers, leading the ladies to a 13-12 win.

Game 2 appeared to be a clone, only higher in the runs market. The Trips came up light again, for a 20-16 loss.

Dave Ahner’s bat has been confiscated by the league, to be inspected for cork or foreign substance. I mean, who goes 9-9?

Scoring the knockout was Bruce “RBI” Peters, with 7-8.

For the Trips, Bill Land ran ‘em down in the outfield, hit well, and Bud Lund was a Hoover at first base. In the heavy metal department, Pat Gray, Jim Hill and Terry Noe came up big.

Perlich’s Coldwell Banker, still struggling with the market and softball games, dropped both sets of the doubleheader to the financial wizards, Keagy’s Edward Jones, 14-11 and 11-7.

The realtors could drum up only nine ambulatory bodies, thus taking the fatal automatic out in Game 2.

But Malibu Perlich thrilled the crowd with a barehanded catch of a screamer foul tip behind the plate. For the portfolios it was double plays and bats of Dan Patterson and Will “The Thrill” Scheerer that killed Perlies.

Meredith’s Hallmark and AZ Family Restaurant split their tilts, with Jim’s guys squeaking by 13-12, then losing 7-1. (What? Misprint?) Bob Royes shut them out for the entire last six innings.

Wednesday

Malibu Perlich’s house movers faced off with Meredith’s for last place; turned out to be shared equity after a splitter.

The Perlies rallied to garner the opener 14-13, then sputtered into a 15-10 loss. Bryon Taylor, Bob Allen and Tommy Tiger Vincent hit home runs for Mal. Dick Purdy’s 4-4 and Craig Burgess’s 3-4 stood out for the gifters.

Hickey left skid marks on Two Girls Pizza, 16-8, then, thinking they were the gift shop, squandered a 13-5 lead into a 13-13 tie after regulation. The excitement lasted into the ninth inning, when Hickey got real and stayed in the win column at 16-14.

Keagy’s Edward Jones swept the week with four wins, shivering the timbers of AZ Family Restaurant, 11-7 and 22-9.

Dwight “The General” Reynolds scorched the field with line drives, backed by pitcher Martin “El Tiante” Camacho, Rich Pirrozzolo’s shots and Bobby Eps’ HR.

Word around the ballpark is that Gale Van Hoorn was Big Papi. However, lately his popups to the infield have saddled him with something not so kind: Big Papi Uppie. Hey, nobody’s safe in this league.

Mark’s H20 showered Triple Play, came from behind again, for the 20-19 thriller. Relentless. Again the hittin’ heroes were Norm Brooks and Jim Mollsen, between them, 9-10.

Game 2 was less heart-stopping, at 9-4. Yup, you know who.

For the Trippers, Terry Noe and Bill Land stood out, with help from their friends Gil Massey and Bob Kaiser.

Friday

3 1/2 Barbers must have some ex-jarheads with the scissors, as they passed out the Parris Island special, high and tight. Baymont Inn Suites Snoozers missed another waker-upper. First game, 20-4, No. 2 at 23-11. Dorie Carroll snagged a sweet over-the-shoulder catch at home plate.

Insurance Center of GV busted out at one game behind Jim Click’s and left for the day one game ahead. The gear-jammers stayed in the pit, as in pitiful, in Game 1, as Mike Willingham tamed them, 11-2. Metal bats turned to deadwood, as reflected by TWO runs. Game 2 was tougher. Ahead 7-5 in the last of the seventh: First batter, error; second batter, error.

Bases got jammed and the Guys in Green gave it away 8-7.

Imagine scoring nine runs all day long. Three field goals, I think it was. The agents unloaded the lumber with boppers top to bottom in the lineup. The first five stood all over the bases at least 30 times. Bobby Allen was in the o-zone at second base.

Another week in the annuals of senior softball. You sure don’t wanna miss Week 10, as the athletes churn toward the finish line of another hard-to-believe and arduous season.

See y’all there!

John Ledford is a member of the Born Again Jocks Association.