BAJA softball takes it up a notch

Week 3 at Sahuarita Park is in the archives, with results/statistics on the way to Cooperstown.

At a crowded Sick Bay, a couple of old Navy corpsmen dug in their field-medicine bags, found some magic but couldn’t honor the numerous requests for morphine. Unjustly accused with lack of any solid evidence, said Barry McBride, who denied allegations more than hinting at self-medicating.

For the gladiators dragged off the field of competition on their shields, we bow our heads and pray for quick recovery.

At least those on our respective teams.

And the games began.

Jim Meredith’s Hallmark Heroes grew weary of handing out the inventory; gift-giving is no more and Christmas is gone, said Jim, who by the way played with possible broken bones in his foot. Another true warrior: these guys are tough. They trumped Triple Play 12-11 and 15-2, but remain under .500, as do the Trips. Dave Cowan had a triple, two doubles, Richie Wood two triples, Terry Charney went 7-7 and Ray Fleener 6-7.

AZ Family Restaurant left their gloves on the bus and dropped Game 1 to Two Girls Pizza, 22-13. Even Jimmy Pickard’s bang-bang bat could not overcome the lack of leather left behind.

But in Game 2, the restaurateurs found their legs and whipped up on the Girls 17-5 in only five innings. In BAJA parlance, such situation means that after five innings, when one team is down by at least 12 runs, it is ruled a “mercy killing” to stanch the bleeding.

Kindly keep that terminology in mind; it could happen again this season.

A pair of our outrageous octogenarians, Jimmy Pickard, the toughest out in Green Valley, and “Touch ‘em All” Tommy Brandt, streaked around the bags for crowd-pleasing home runs. Sparkling glove work on defense and pitching by Ivan Allison and Bob Royes saved the split.

Malibu Perlich’s Coldwell Banker team stayed in the housing slump, flat as the market, and took a standing-eight count against Mighty Mark’s Quality Water 20-10 and 12-10. Bob Allen limped off the disabled list and Gilbert Moss disembarked from his cruise-ship vacation, all the way back to reality.

The Maulers had FIFTY hits by the usual suspects: Stevie Wonder, Jim Mollsen, Nick Charles, Tom Kennedy and Jack Naughton. Stan Musial came back from Alaska and snagged everything thrown at him on first base.

A dugout rumor persists that the Cardinals in Phoenix want Norm “Nomar” Brooks to direct their upcoming NFL draft. Probably won’t help.

The Hickey Boys in Black put some back-spin on the Keagy’s Edward Jones squad in Game 1, 21-12. That ringing sound in Rick Keagy’s ears echoed from the bats of Rodney Lichtenberger and Alan Cram, each going 7-7. Ron “Klubber” Klopf kept his machine in high gear with another hot day at the plate. He is thinking of becoming the next Dave Ahner and seriously threatens Dave’s season-high record of .975, or some such madness.

Meanwhile, Chuckles Catino pitched another beauty and even added a round-tripper, his first since the Cubs won the World Series.

He was still in knickers, but remembers 1908, Clark Street ice wagons, and Wrigley Field ivy walls. I should mention here that the outfields on each field bring back frozen creeks and pond-hockey memories of Minnesota, only these are strewn with hay. And, since Chuck’s ball hit a gap between fielders.

Game two was halted after five innings, 18-5 in favor of the oil changers. Euthanasia (don’t say I never warned ya!) appeared to be a window for the Wall Street Strutters.

Wednesday

Triple Play eked out a 19-18 thriller over Keagy’s, with Gil Massey nailing the go-ahead run in the last inning. Bob “Don Ho” Kaiser drilled a two-run triple, and with the dugout jumping and the bleachers bumping, Bud Lund, Al Peterson, Jim Hill and Jerry “Boomer” Brotz led the comeback.

The bats they stayed a-hummin’ for the Trips in Game 2. They put another nail in Keagy’s heart, 21-6. (Who are these guys?) Slick fielding by Bill Land and Dennis Dion kept the bases clean.

Boomer’s Baby-Blue Baseball Bloomers seemed to be the catalyst; he went 8-8 in quite a day but shunned teammates’ efforts to rub them for luck. His smile could be seen all the way back to Sheboygan as he cracked a post-game cold one at the park’s cabana.

TP stands at eight wins, six losses.

Perlich’s Coldwell Banker bounced from the dugout screaming for vengeance but in the end managed only silence, trudging off with a pair of heart-stopper losses. Two Girls Pizza flipped ‘em twice, 13-12 and 13-11. In a last-inning Game 2 comeback, eight runners crossed home plate but the realtors came up light.

Hickey Automotive put a two-team tune-up on AZ Restaurant, 14-6 and (yes, another mercy!) 17-5 after five innings. Their lead-off hitter had a perfect day, and with the backup of Charlie Attwood, the eatery never seemed to be in it.

The sheer athletic ability of Bill Cheney in the outfield was something to see; he ran like a gloved greyhound and threw runners out like they were on crutches.

The mechanics are in second place at 11-3, still trying to catch Mark’s.

And Marauding Mark’s bats of brimstone continued to burn up the league. Remaining relentless, they extended their record to 13-1 with a rally and 18-17 victory over Meredith’s. The Hallmarkers were tough, but an outfield collision took Jim Dickey out, followed by a bad-hop (soft)ball which opened up Terry Charney’s chin; Jim Meredith finally had to limp to the dugout; he can’t shake that foot injury. All of which resulted in a forfeit win for Mark’s.

The gift shop simply didn’t have enough bodies, warm or tepid, to keep on goin’. Jim Mollsen, Tom Kennedy and John Houghton had their usual big days with the sticks and wouldn’t go out. Stan Musial popped the clinching hit. The water boys are still the early-line faves at Caesar’s Palace Sports Book and you can get on ‘em at 9-5.

Friday

In game 1 Stevie Wonder jumped up for the Baymont Suitehearts, going 4-4, but for the Insurance Center of Green Valley, Brooks went 5-5, Andy Wurtzel 3-4, and Fred Searle’s two RBIs in the seventh inning put a whammy on any threat, 20-12. Bill (who else?) Cheney was brilliant with that big black glove, aided by his accomplice Searle.

It’s quite an outfield.

Game 2. Boomer Brotz dug into the batter’s box and blasted a shot off the leg of pitcher Chuck Catino. But Chuckles refused to call in the goodfellas for a “harmless” chat with Jerry, and kept throwing strikes. Bobby Epstein took two walks and slammed a single, but it was a lotta too little.

The IC pounced on them again, 12-8. Jim Pickard brought in a run-scoring single, then scored himself on Fred’s base hit.

Jim Click’s “Green Gang” bolted from the gate early and hung on for a 17-14 win over 3 1/2 Happy Barbers. The sun, as ever, was tricky for the outfielders, but they fought off the rays, no one got hurt, and they made the outs. Dick Foley drilled a liner that hit the chalk line behind third base to bring in the lead run.

Game 2. The clippers jumped out first in a see-saw contest; the Clicks caught them, but somewhere in the middle innings, at 8-8, the cars blew a rod and blew the game, 18-11.

The ball seemed to have a set of eyeballs and leather gloves turned to hubcaps as they watched the game slip right on by. Exceptional play by Lu Smith and Randy Higa in the field and sounds of metal (bats not gloves) by Mike Sommer and the nonpareil Dave Ahner were insurmountable in light of the lackluster performance by the Greenies.

Record attendance was set in Week 4 and rabid fans applauded the “gamer” efforts of the elderly athletes. BAJA is always encouraged by its backers.

In the immortal words of John Lennon, we’d like to say thank you very much and hope we passed the audition.

See y’all next week.

John Ledford is a member of the Born Again Jocks Association.