Columns
Life Transitions: For some, retirement requires uneasy adjustment
By Aurora Hayes
The aim of this new column is to talk about those issues that are real in most of our lives, and which may, or may not, be talked about in public, or even in private.
This is a retirement community and we have a wonderful array of recreation options, life styles, education and entertainment available to us.
What we also have, inevitably, are issues that may not come easily to our lips. There may be things we keep to ourselves out of not wanting to be a wet blanket or create a “downer” tone to an evening with friends. Politics are “OK” and so are sports, the best place to shop, and the newest beautician, movies, dining adventures, etc.
What we rarely talk about with each other, especially in the beginning of a relationship, are the private fears: our pain, (physical or emotional), our losses, of which there are more than we often admit, and the fear of not fitting in!
There is also the loneliness, the isolation from former friends and our families, the need for making new friends, acclimating to a new climate and finding new outlets for our self-expression.
Honest self disclosure is something that takes time because of the fear of alienating oneself in the beginning. And so, we are cautious, polite (for the most part), and looking to the “old timers” for a glimpse of what the “dress code” is here, so to speak, and how soon we can relax and be our authentic self.
Green Valley has a wonderful array of things to do. But when the day or evening is over and we are alone with our spouse, or alone, period, that is when our “jolly” mask becomes something else, and that something else is what we wrestle with alone or with our partner. There is usually a down side to most things in life, and retirement definitely has its ups and downs!
My vision of this column is that as I pursue some subjects that may not get expressed elsewhere in print, a bonding element can grow among our population as we take the risk of talking about those things that are painful, difficult, puzzling and daunting from time to time.
This column’s aim is to start a conversation with you, the reader. And I will encourage replies, both positive and negative, in e-mails to me and on www.gvnews.com.
Our lives are a mixture of many things. This column is an opportunity to share some thoughts with you after years of trial and error!
I plan to offer topics that may be useful, fun or just plain boring! Don’t be afraid to join in and offer support of a topic or different points of view and celebrate with me the full life that is available here in this corner of the planet.
Aurora Hayes is Green Valley resident, originally from California. Her graduate degree is in adult counseling. She is also a certified clinical hypnotherapist who has worked over 40 years in the field of emotional health education and support. Her private practice in California included counseling for families, couples and individuals. She and her husband moved to Green Valley in 2004. Contact her at aurorahayes@cox.net.
This is a retirement community and we have a wonderful array of recreation options, life styles, education and entertainment available to us.
What we also have, inevitably, are issues that may not come easily to our lips. There may be things we keep to ourselves out of not wanting to be a wet blanket or create a “downer” tone to an evening with friends. Politics are “OK” and so are sports, the best place to shop, and the newest beautician, movies, dining adventures, etc.
What we rarely talk about with each other, especially in the beginning of a relationship, are the private fears: our pain, (physical or emotional), our losses, of which there are more than we often admit, and the fear of not fitting in!
There is also the loneliness, the isolation from former friends and our families, the need for making new friends, acclimating to a new climate and finding new outlets for our self-expression.
Honest self disclosure is something that takes time because of the fear of alienating oneself in the beginning. And so, we are cautious, polite (for the most part), and looking to the “old timers” for a glimpse of what the “dress code” is here, so to speak, and how soon we can relax and be our authentic self.
Green Valley has a wonderful array of things to do. But when the day or evening is over and we are alone with our spouse, or alone, period, that is when our “jolly” mask becomes something else, and that something else is what we wrestle with alone or with our partner. There is usually a down side to most things in life, and retirement definitely has its ups and downs!
My vision of this column is that as I pursue some subjects that may not get expressed elsewhere in print, a bonding element can grow among our population as we take the risk of talking about those things that are painful, difficult, puzzling and daunting from time to time.
This column’s aim is to start a conversation with you, the reader. And I will encourage replies, both positive and negative, in e-mails to me and on www.gvnews.com.
Our lives are a mixture of many things. This column is an opportunity to share some thoughts with you after years of trial and error!
I plan to offer topics that may be useful, fun or just plain boring! Don’t be afraid to join in and offer support of a topic or different points of view and celebrate with me the full life that is available here in this corner of the planet.
Aurora Hayes is Green Valley resident, originally from California. Her graduate degree is in adult counseling. She is also a certified clinical hypnotherapist who has worked over 40 years in the field of emotional health education and support. Her private practice in California included counseling for families, couples and individuals. She and her husband moved to Green Valley in 2004. Contact her at aurorahayes@cox.net.
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