Book Review: New book offers sound advice, help in parenting your parents

Somebody had to do it and Jim Comer did, thank heaven!

With humor, compassion, candor and pragmatism he writes about “When Roles Reverse: A Guide to Parenting Your Parents,” a new book for those caring for elderly parents or those who will face this prospect in the future.

Comer combines his personal experiences of 11 years of caring for Mom with Alzheimer’s and Dad, a stroke victim, with practical advice and information caregivers need, such as how to apply for Medicare or veterans benefits.

Multiple resources

In preparing the guide, he interviewed hundreds of people who deal with aging and death, including bereavement counselors, geriatric and hospice care managers, funeral home directors, managers of retirement homes, assisted living facilities and nursing homes.

The object of this research is to help consumers decide which option will be best for their elderly parents and which will be the most affordable.

He also includes information from insurance specialists on long-term care and burial policies and price comparisons on various types of care facilities.

Saving time, money

The book is intended to save caregivers time, heartache and money they may not have to waste.

“This book could save you $10,000 or more, ” Comer said at the recent presentation at St. Edwards University in Austin, Texas.

In Comer’s case, dealing with his parents’ situation was a responsibility he undertook on his own as the sole living child. His only brother died at age 23, so he didn’t face any issues with siblings, as many do.

Nor did he have to juggle a wife, career and children of his own when he became responsible for his parents’ care literally overnight.

Knowing that many do face such concerns, he included a section in the book in which he interviewed several parent caregivers, who provide the benefit of their experiences.

The book is an informative, engaging, blend of the personal and the practical.

Each chapter on his experience with his own parents winds up with “Comer’s commandments,” based on what he learned during various stages of caregiving.

Overwhelmed at first

At first, he was overwhelmed with the responsibility as a single man of 51, working in public relations for a large corporation in Los Angeles. He’s now a speech and communications consultant.

His parents lived in Texas where Comer eventually moved to spend time with them in hospitals, assisted living centers and, eventually, nursing homes.

Advice for caregivers

Here’s a sampling of his “commandments,” forged in the early stages of caregiving.

“Never say,‘Things can’t get any worse.” They can. Your mother can break a hip on Christmas Eve.”

“If a parent is in the hospital, guard those dentures with your life. Teeth matter.”

“Don’t confuse hospitals with “safe places.” Medical centers are busy, crowded, noisy buildings where things can go wrong in a heartbeat. Question everything.”

“If your parents’ driving is a danger to themselves or others, ignoring the situation is not a good option. Find a way to take way the keys and get them an account with a local taxi company.”

“If your parent would rather not wear a hearing aid and miss your sparkling conversation, that is a legitimate choice.”

“Do not expect parenting skills to come quickly. Like yoga or gardening, caregiving is a slowly acquired art.”

“Unlike studying for a final, there is no way to pull an all-nighter on patience or cram for the kindness exam, You have to work at it every day.”

As the author notes, for most it isn’t a matter of if you’ll need the information in this book, but when.

Long-term trend

According to recent research, long-term care is beginning to rival childcare as a problem affecting American employees and this trend is expected to accelerate in the coming years.

“When Roles Reverse” is an excellent resource and a compelling read, a book you’ll want to keep close by when the need arises.

Published by Hampton Roads Publishing Co., Inc, in Charlottesville, Va., the 312-page book is available in paperback. ISBN is 1-57174-500-9.

If you can’t order the book from local bookstores, you can order directly from the publisher by calling toll free 1-800-766-8009.

kengle@gvnews.com| 547-9732